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Thirty Years of GWAR: Five Questions with Pustulus Maximus

09 Nov 2015

This Wednesday, November 11th, the Richmond-based band descends upon the Norva. They’re bringing an infamous / legendary stage show to Hampton Roads to celebrate 30 years of scaring the bible belt, soaking audiences with fake blood and various other fluids, and generally rocking in a manner unlike any other band in the history of music. Prepare yourself.

GWAR is coming.

Depending on who you believe, GWAR is either shock hardcore metal, fiendishly hilarious performance art, a group of intergalactic extraterrestrials bent on slaughtering the human race, or a little bit of all three. We pulled up with current band leader, Pustulus Maximus, to pose a few questions in advance of the onslaught:

. . .

Jeff Hewitt: 1. What’s GWAR’s epigram?

Pustulus: White boy music ain’t got no soul. White boy pussy ain’t got no hole.

2. Banished to this planet eons ago for dark crimes against your master, you have walked the earth for three decades. Thirty years is a fair amount of time in which to lay waste to humanity. What gives? Why are we still here? What’s stopped you?

Breeding continues to get in the way of our conquest. We keep killing, but also we keep foolishly breeding with you people backstage. It’s also worth mentioning that those in poverty tend to multiply faster and your country has a really great way of keeping it’s people impoverished.

3. Fender or Gibson? Why or why not? And if neither, what are your tools of choice?

Gibson for guitar and Fender for bass. Duh. In reality though, neither. Gibson stopped making decent guitars quite a while ago and as quality went down prices continued to go up. What a true capitalist. Their CEO is a real piece of work too. I’d rather have a Japanese copy of each. The Japanese seem to take more pride and care when creating an instrument.

4. Is Donald Trump a secret member of your organization, planted into the political mainstream as part of an insidious plot to prepare us for rule under our new GWAR masters? If so, what will you accomplish as the President’s puppet masters in your first one hundred days?

Well, I can’t divulge all of our secret plans for global tyranny but what I can tell you is that I want to take guns out of the hands of criminals and put them in the hands of aborted children for our armies of the night. Also abolish the police force, legalize murder, legalize theft as long as it’s from rich people and promote more rioting. What we need is another war. The U.S. Government doesn’t want to provide for the health of it’s veterans (which is the true cost of war anyhow) so more wars = more dead, more dead = less to take care of. What better way to get the country ready for war than by electing a wealthy, white, racist, Christian who is completely detached from the struggles of normal life.

5. Founding member Oderus Urungus was tragically deposed last year. How would you like your once leader to be remembered over your next three decades?

I want humanity to remember Oderus as they engage in intercourse with prostitutes, as they consume illicit drugs, and as they masturbate onto their siblings’ clothes and belongings. When I squeeze a random vagrant’s neck until blood falls from their eyes and mouth I think about Oderus as each drop hits the floor.

Remember him as the smelly, bloodthirsty, maniacal tyrant that he was. A generous man, never selfishly hiding his genitals from the public, he would constantly share his ejaculate with the public, willing or not. He would also invite humans to witness the carnage created by his hand, allowing anyone to take part and witness acts of murder and genocide and to be baptized in blood at any GWAR concert. Oderus Urungus was a giving man, never a taker… Unless it was your drugs or wife.

6. Um.. okay.. Sheesh. Uhhh.. What will GWAR’s epitaph be?

We would have to die to have an epitaph and that is an impossibility. Long live GWAR!!!

. . .

/scene.

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09 Nov 2015

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